A recent podcast I had the privilege of being a guest on was called The Alcoholic Entrepreneur. Now, this may lead you to believe that someone has built an entire podcast around a few people getting together to chat over some drinks about starting a business but that couldn’t be further than the truth.
I even suggested to the host, Justin, that he rename it to The Recovering Alcoholic Entrepreneur Podcast but I digress.
During my hour with Justin, we discussed my early childhood years that quite literally set the stage for the rest of my life experiences and everything in between. From class clown to pot dealer, from executive search firm owner to author, I’ve learned how to use my experiences to reach and redefine success.
Tune in for the entire show or read up on the recap below. I sincerely hope it helps you to Fear less. Sell More.
Money + Power = A false sense of self
I was raised with extreme privilege. And while many of us think that money and power will solve all our problems, my story is a prime example of how that simply isn’t true.
Power creates entitlement or false sense of self and worth. I grew up in this very successful family where people really didn’t know how to love each other and values emphasized performance. I was only what I could achieve for my family.
Therefore, I grew up in a very hollow place.
Whenever we’re filled up with caring, nurturing, fulfillment, support we won’t have anxiety. It’s the empty moments, the shallow moments, the moments of limbo and uncertainty, that’s where the seeds of fear (even terror) are sewn.
My family was the equivalent of a Rolls Royce assembly line and I was a clown car. Growing up I had a trifecta of issues – ADHD, Dyslexia, and bed-wetting. My parents were thrilled. To say the least, I didn’t fit that “perfectly normal” child mold.
Shaming, pressure, rejection, and neglect were the ingredients in the bouillabaisse of elements I grew up with which only fed the anxiety monster that was growing within me, every day.
When you have anxiety, your worries are usually self-focused. For me, I was constantly worrying about how I would be received, how I would perform, if people would like me, and the list goes on and on.
But there was a silver lining, it helped me discover early on, if I could get people to listen to me, I instantly felt better. That’s one of the reasons I named my book Fear Less. Sell More.
The Power of Connection
The core of selling (positive and influential communication) is connection.
We crave it! We’re social animals. Our nervous system is almost fed by connection whether positive or negative.
As a kid, I was desperate and wanted it all and would even thrive off of negative attention. Goofing off, fighting, confrontation, disruption and finally humor.
I found positive attention through story-telling, bragging about my brother and friends, etc. In the moment, my energy – my need to break out of the isolation – was so strong that I would become compelling and they would sense that desire to connect.
I was heading in one direction as a kid, drugs. I loved pot from the moment I smoked it. Wow! I felt like I had found my home. Little did I know that feeling would be hard to recover in the future and it would begin to have a corrosive effect on my life. It’s almost like being taken hostage by the Devil. He invites you in, he seduces you and suddenly you’re in a burning cave and destined to an interminable Dante Esque nightmare.
But there was always that silver lining in my life. The fact that I wasn’t talented, led me to talk about other people who were talented which led to a career in recruiting.
The silver lining of being a pot-dealer? It was my first sales job and I learned how to work a phone! I didn’t build an empire, this isn’t the origin story of Scarface.
BUt what I didn’t realize was that I was just a machine, driven by fear, in a daily automated process of self-annihilation. Not self-annihilation as in death but, annihilation of the self, the inner being, the identity. I couldn’t tolerate feelings, feeling good, feeling bad, etc. I couldn’t just take life as it was. If my projection of what life should be it was equivalent to an act of saddition by the universe.
Drug addiction is infantilization. You want, you want, you want, and if you don’t get you have a tantrum.
So how did I go from there to being the person I am today?
Find out in my new book, Fear Less. Sell More
Over time, I developed a methodology that increased my confidence, enabled me to achieve success in the entertainment industry, and founded an executive search firm that has sustained excellence for more than a quarter century.
It is my goal to help others achieve success in sales and realize their dreams by overcoming their fears.
Fear Less, Sell More uses a fictional story, humor and a conversational approach to making friends with fear. Drawing from my circuitous career, unique insights into the psychology behind selling that can bolster the success of any sales professional.
